BECOMING WHOLE THROUGH TANTRA
I have found God in many places, including in the pages of the Christian Bible and other books by spiritual teachers like Wayne Dyer. More recently, I found God through the study of Nondual Shaiva Tantra. Although I have worked as a sensual masseuse for years, I was never interested in studying Tantra or providing Tantra services to my clients. I thought Tantra was lighting a bunch of candles and directing clients to breathe. Nothing wrong with that, but I wanted to create a more natural, “deep-friendship” oriented experience for my clients. Wow, I didn’t understand Tantra at all.
My interest in the Tantric arts blossomed when I came across a book called “Tantra Illuminated” by Christopher D. Wallis. I was intoxicated by the ideas and teachings of Nondual Shaiva Tantra that he describes in the book. I existed in a state of calm bliss while I first explored the concepts he presented. I was struck by the similarities between Stoics and Tantric Yogis. For instance, both meditate on and contemplate death, seeing it as an inevitable aspect of life rather than something to be feared. They also both strive to suspend judgment on the “things” in our lives, meaning they try to see the circumstances of our lives as neither good, nor bad; they simply are.
Almost immediately, the Tantra philosophy of wholeness spoke to my soul. But I struggled to practice it. My ego was always in the way and I had to remind myself of the basic concepts over and over. I created a story of Tantra inside my mind to explain the events I come up against every day. Books like Tantra Illuminated, Existential Kink, and The Biology of Belief are integral to how this story came together. Seeing my existence in this way has led me to feel a deep spiritual connection to everyone in my life, including my clients.
Here is the story…
Imagine that God is a field of pure, LOVE ENERGY that can intelligently direct its own flow. It surrounds and pervades us in every way. Each one of us is the essence of God. We are manifested from the field of love energy we call God when we’re conceived and we return to God when we die. We ARE God. Wayne Dyer explains it in “There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem,” that if God is the ocean, then we are all glassfuls of God.
Nondual Shaiva Tantra is a philosophy that asks us to believe that each of us is God experiencing Itself in different ways. Another way of saying this is that God looks out through all of our eyes and manifests as everything in our awareness . Our souls are woven together with our mind-bodies (who we identify as) at conception. Because our soul’s purpose is to enable God to experience Itself, our sense of separateness from God (Itself) is vital.
Another way to explain this is, imagine you’re God and you want to experience Yourself. So, you direct your love energy to flow into and create seemingly separate things and beings, who are subject to experiencing everything possible from incredible joy and passion to horrific pain and loss. Because God is energy, and everything is energy, everything is God (yes, even the chair you’re sitting on and the phone you’re carrying). Everything in existence is God experiencing Itself.
To help you understand this idea, imagine that all of our souls are gleefully playing tricks on us to ensure we continue to feel separate from and ignorant of our true Divinity. All of our insecurities, life challenges, heartbreaks, and betrayals are the soul’s way of enabling God to experience Itself in different ways THROUGH ALL OF US. We / God want to experience all the possibilities available to us. Many of these possibilities are what our mind-bodies (ego identifications of who we are) label as “good” or “evil.” When we judge something, it is a clear sign that we are feeling separate from what we are judging.
Our souls, which are intertwined with every aspect of ourselves, are the subconsious parts of us that know we are Divine. For this reason, we yearn for the wholeness and connection that we inherently know exists. But we don’t know how to get it. Our yearnings for wholeness lead us down many paths. Some cause us to feel more separate. For instance, countless failed relationships might cause us to feel that there’s no such thing as true love, or that we cannot risk trusting people anymore. Other paths bring us closer to knowing who we truly are – one infinite mass of love energy trying to experience Itself in gloriously different ways.
If we are open to it, then through learning and experience we begin to be more like God – which means we become the perceivers and the perceived. We begin to experience ourselves in the same fashion that God experiences Itself through us. This is the path to wholeness; the realization that we are one massive field of love energy feeding off Itself. This is the story of Tantra, as I understand it.
Now, I’ve taken this idea further and reflected that, if we understand that each one of us is God experiencing Itself in different ways, and we (our souls) manifest circumstances to keep us feeling separate, it stands to reason that:
As we become more awakened, our souls’ will throw obstacles in our paths to keep the game of separation going. This reminds me of the Christian teaching that when we are getting closer to God, the Devil will throw obstacles in our paths. Indeed, each time in my life that I’ve felt a huge spiritual lift, I was soon-after faced with emotional or physical challenges that weakened my spiritual connection. If this is your first experience chasing spiritual wholeness, be aware that your soul (or the Devil, depending on what you believe) will attempt to slow you down. Even if you are temporarily thrown off track, you can return to your spiritual path when you’ve recovered your sense of Divinity again.
When we have a conflict with someone, it is really our souls gleefully creating situations to amplify our feelings of separateness. For instance, I recently had a disagreement with a colleague. Angry words were exchanged, accusations were thrown. When I calmed down, I realized that it was just our souls trying to fuck with us. I apologized for my part and we were able to mend our friendship.
Certain things are recurrent “problems” in our lives. These “problems” are caused by our souls recognizing what works best to separate each of us from our Divinity. For instance, almost every major “problem” I encounter comes from my soul’s focus on making me feel devalued. My soul LOVES it when I feel devalued because it is one of the infinite possibilities that God gets to experience through me and it enables God to continue to experience Itself as separate.
When people say that all of their problems are “between me and God,” they are 100% correct. All problems are caused by our feelings of separateness. When we learn the truth of our wholeness, we are liberated from problems.
Nothing is good, nor bad; it’s just God experiencing all the infinite possibilities of Itself. Therefore, we can shed the shame we carry when we identify only as our mind-bodies (egos). This also explains why we can reach incredible spiritual highs through sensual activities that our society generally sees as taboo. Absolutely every experience is a chance to feel embodied in all the Divine aspects of our Selves.
Our souls come from love energy, therefore they are not malicious. They are simply and gleefully allowing us to experience ourselves in every possible way. In truth, they are cheering for us to become awakened to our Divinity. This explains why most people experience deep suffering before they come to know God. Each “problem” is our soul giving us an opportunity to wake up to who we truly are.
As we become more awakened and our separateness lessens, our experiences of “problems” will also lessen. We will not suffer nearly as much and our lives will feel more peaceful. Our previously subconcious, mischievous souls will become more and more woven together with our mind-bodies and we will experience life together, meeting each challenge with more and more spiritual wholeness.
Nondual Shaiva Tantra is about embodying the whole of our existence, including both the Divine essence that we are created out of, and the mind-bodies (egos) that we are manifested to identify ourselves as. The reality is that we are not just a soul (spirit) and we are not just a mind-body. We are mind-body-spirit at the same time. We are all of It. Knowing this allows us to let go of our mind-body attachments. For instance, we no longer fear death.
Being One with everyone and everything does not diminish the uniqueness of who we are or the importance of the work we do. It reminds us that we are all connected at all times, which opens up incredible opportunities to experience our wholeness in our relationships and even in interactions with strangers. As we learn to practice love energy in all areas of our lives, our separateness will cease to trouble us because it will not feel real anymore. We are manifested as Autonomous “Selves,” each of us with unique gifts to share and to use to help others experience wholeness in their lives.
The beauty of Tantra is that we don’t need to “transcend” our mind-body (ego) identification to practice it. Meditation to transcend the ego is wonderful if you enjoy it, but it is not necessary to find God through Tantra. The mind-body is an integral part of who we are in our wholeness. We mustn’t reject the joys, pains, sacrifices, and gifts of the flesh, but allow them to bring us closer to our Divinity. This is why Tantra is well-known for being practiced in the bedroom – physical intimacy is a powerful way to connect on every level of our existence. No wonder Tantric Massage is so mind-blowing!
Fortunately, sex and intimacy are not the only ways to practice Tantra (even if they are the most interesting to some). Tantra can be practiced in every single aspect of our daily lives. Seeing ourselves as connected souls, created so that God could experience Itself, changes everything. It explains why our thoughts and beliefs are capable of manifesting anything we desire (including things that we believe we don’t desire).
The moral of the story is that we can become whole through Tantra. God is LOVE ENERGY and everything is energy, therefore everything is God. We have the ability to use the love energy that is our Divine essence to find the wholeness that has eluded us as separate egos. In other words, WE ARE ONE!
Love Annie xoxo
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