Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Three Simple Rules for LOVE

Getting love right is difficult for most. First we learn from our parents how to treat people we love. Usually that is the wrong way. Then we learn by trial and error. Mostly error.

Incredibly, I've learned there are three simple rules to follow in love. Following them has changed my life.

Very few people seem to know these amazing, simple rules. But they will change your life too.

Rule #1. Love yourself

Sounds simple, right?

Of course, you may say. If I didn't love myself, I wouldn't eat. If I didn't love myself, I wouldn't do things that make me feel good. If I didn't love myself, I wouldn't get angry when other people hurt me. Of course I love myself.

Alas, no. That is not loving yourself.

Loving yourself is giving yourself an amazing life. Loving yourself is saying yes when you can say yes, but also saying no when you need to say no. Loving yourself is setting boundaries, especially in relationships.

Love isn't easy, but it shouldn't be hard. If you are unhappy most of the time in any relationship, you need to let that relationship go.

You need to have boundaries for what you allow in your life.

You need to make a decision to love yourself and make a promise to yourself to be happy every day.

You have a responsibility to your children to show them how to love themselves. Be an example.

Do not settle for a mediocre life. Aim to be happy every single day.

Rule #2. Relinquish Control

Something you must always remember and remind yourself is that you do not have control over others. 

In fact, you don't even have a right to control others.

You can't stop them from lying. You can't stop them from cheating. You can't stop them from looking at porn, or texting certain friends, or doing drugs. You can't stop them from doing anything they choose to do.

Nothing. Zip. Zero. You have no control over anyone else. Not even your children. Shocking, isn't it?

Now that you recognize this immutable fact, you can get to the good stuff.

It is an incredible relief to give up the need to control others. Difficult at first, for sure. But once you've practiced enough, it becomes a natural habit.

You cannot control others. But you can control yourself. And you can control how much impact other people have on your life.

If someone repeatedly hurts you, and you do not remove them from your life, you are not giving yourself an amazing life. You are not loving yourself.

The only one who can make your life amazing is you. Try focusing on what you can control in your life - you.

Rule #3: Be Grateful

Be grateful for what you have in the moment. Live for the now.

If you are getting along in this relationship right now, then don't think about the past or worry about the future. Enjoy the now!

If you know you have to let go of a toxic relationship, be grateful for the good time you've had and let go with love. 

In fact...Do everything with love! Every problem you have, ask yourself, "How can I solve this problem with love?" You will be grateful for the results. ;)

Once you learn true gratitude, you even become grateful for your sorrows. You notice how sweet the pain feels. You become thankful for living a passionate life that brings you these moments of pain, that you might know great happiness too.

When you are grateful for the sun in the sky and the smile on a passerby's face, you will understand how beautiful this world is. You will see the coincidences and the blessings as they appear.

The world will look like a nicer place. And people will be drawn to your gentle, happy spirit.

When you are grateful, you are content.

So, practice being grateful. Give yourself an amazing life. Remove toxic relationships and make room for amazing ones. Relinquish control over others and learn to take control of your own life.

These are the rules for love.

Somewhere between being a stripper and reading Wayne Dyer's Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, I learned them.

Happy Valentine's Day. I love you. xo

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